Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Orb-gasm

Everyone knows I'm "unique" I mean it's not everyday that you have the opportunity to meet a hermaphroditic pug right? You may think my tiddlee bit is my most famous feature, but you would be wrong. It's my ORBS. I've had many requests as to how to properly orb your way into something (or out of something)

First off you have to perform proper orb management. Us pugs have to keep our delicate eyes clean. Daily cleaning of our folds is imperative to put your best orb forward.

OK...take notes here...next you must sit. I know putting your precious back end on the cold hard floor is not desirable, but humans love this trick! Then you crane your neck, open your eyes slightly and make your orbs slightly moist. This will cause your orbs to glisten. This is usually good for at least a treat.


Humans are told they need 8 hours of sleep, but us pugs need more than that. For proper orbage, you will need a few naps a day. Resting your orbs ensures that when you need to get out of pickle (say you chase that evil cat Gracie from your backyard- for a random example)and you want your mom (or dad) to stop yelling your full name (say Bellatrix instead of my nickname Bells you know for a random example) that your orbs will be in tip top shape.

So say mom has some yummy light whip cream, and you want that whip cream to enter your belly. You must be prepared to bust out with the big guns. You want to crane your neck, lean your body towards your mom in a loving manner then unleash your orbs.

Enjoy the spoils of your labor. Sweet success. Mom and dad are so super awesome. This is my own bottle of whip cream. I get it only as a super special treat. OK, now I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

Sometimes you're just lucky to be born with the power of the ORBS. I was yielding my powers at 8 weeks of age. Now that I have your mom or dad under my spell, quick sneak into the fridge and steal that whip cream!

11 comments:

  1. Bella-T ~

    You and your orbage crack me up. Proper orb maintenance? He hee.

    My human says I have to tell you that last picture is the most ridiculous ridiculously cute pictures she has ever seen in her whole entire freaking life.

    Or something like that.

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  2. Oh Bellatrix! ORB you sensational!
    Love Noodles

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  3. Hey Pug, I'm glad your mom likes my orbage. I wish I had met you as a wee one, I bet my puppy orbs would have melted Dutch's resistance. He would have played with me for sure!

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  5. Noodles!! your joke made me giggle.

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  6. I have to say Miss Bella that the last photy is most cutylicious and yu looks most adorables indeed
    Lovs
    Richie
    xx xx

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  7. Bella-T,
    Love the last picture it tops all of the others, your cuteness would get you anything. Thanks for all the tips on orbing, will let you know how it goes for getting whip cream.

    Love ya!!!!
    Rambo and Miss Ellie

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  8. Man, those orbs work every time..and not just on your mom!!!

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  9. You've got some major orbage going on. Thanks for the superb tips. My human laughed really hard when she read the title of this post, and almost spit whatever she was drinking. She said this was awesome

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  10. I can see the power of your orbs was evident from day one. You are blessed with the Power of the Orbs from the pug god.

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  11. Hi Belly's Mama!
    Ok...Lily can only be walked by herself. The other 4 are good in any sort of two pairs...but we usually walk Gracie/Toby and George/Mimi. We never walked all the pugs together and probably never will. Lily will attack if the others are nearby, so we usually try to keep them away from her when she is getting harnassed...she even attacks the others harnesses and leashes if we just removed them after the walk or she will attack her own harness once it is on her. Any suggestions?
    Thanks,
    Mindy :)

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